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Saturday, December 18th, 2004
4:57 pm - To Let: Double Storey, Brick Veneer House. Concrete. 23 Ramsay St

All this focus on racial equality, unbiased programming and metrosexuals has landed us enough programs about liposuction on animals, the homosexual’s stance on canned tuna, reality shows featuring wive-swappers and circus animals. We’ve come alllll this way, yet we’ve lost focus of what’s going on right. Next. Door. I’m sick of all these cockarse token characters breezing through our home grown Aussie soaps. I might not watch TV exclusively, but with the amount of shit they’re jamming in our magazines, newspapers, radio, it’s hard not to miss the stream train of inconsistency. I got word that Neighbours just recruited a bunch of ‘new, exciting characters’. It’d been a while since I last tuned in, or pedalled through Erinsborough on my pushy, delivering newspapers. Dr Carl was banging Nicola Charles, that throaty hag Madge has just croaked. Don’t remember really. Anyhoo, my point is, in the last say 10 months? There has been a big change to the line up. We’ve seen the first ‘gay’ character come in (big shock), the token ‘wog’ family (half serbs apparently), and a few teen heartthrob anglo-saxons. New things to the show, of course. Give me a break. Boyd? Nina? STINGRAY? WAAAAAAAAAAATEVA MAN! These are the typical suburbanite Melbourne socialites we see roaming our streets? I don’t recall a ‘Boyd’ living down the street from anyone. Anyone nicknamed ‘Stingray’ with ADD or whatever it is wouldn’t be a social draw at school. They’d be bashed. I’m being biased, I know. It’s unfair to pick on Neighbours when Home and Away is also a contender for this, but I’m not going to target it, purely for the reasons that I’ve only ever ‘watched’ Neighbours, and Home and Away isn’t based in Melbourne. I wouldn’t know what life up on the ‘bay’ is like. Who the hell even knows their neighbours these days? I’m sure you’ve heard your parents talking about ‘the vlameno kinezo with the van’ or the ‘livanezo down the road who’s helping you write off your car’ or even the ‘koloafstrali with the koproskilo pethi’. Let’s see some REAL storylines. None of this happy horseshit, where pre-16 teens are having honest, meaningful relationships. Let’s see Hakan move in to a flat with his brother Servet and his cousin Murat. Watch them rip up their Neighbour’s lawn with the Yellow VL Turbo. Or try to pick up Sky from down the road. Is there a Centrelink office in Erinsborough? How many people that YOU know have lives that somehow revolved completely around one pub? What, are all the roads one big loop like a speedway, that don’t go passed the school, the ‘shop’ and Ramsay St? Who knows the Scullys? The Bishops? YEAH MAN. What about the Tran’s, the Yiannakopoulos’s, the Lui’s? The Radevski’s, the De Luca’s, the Konikowski’s? Maybe I’m playing on stereotypes as well. But I’d rather be watching a stereotyped cast of mixed ethnicities than one with a chorus line of Anglo’s. This may be a biased argument, coming from an angsty Greek-Australian with too much time on his hands, but do remember, I grew up watching Australian TV. Fuck Ramsay St. Fun Phat Fact of the Day: Tha D would make a kick-ass script writer for Australian Soapies FORWARD THIS TO comments@neighbours.com IF YOU THINK I SHOULD BE THE ETHNIC DIVERSION ON AUSTRALIAN TV Actually, I’m not done. Fuck Delta Goodrem. The media portray her as this innocent, loving, heavenly soul. If you’d care to remember, 5 months ago, the SCUD had her bent over, with her legs behind her head. TAKE IT DELTA! ERGH!

current mood: hot

(1 angry motherfucker | Anger Management)

Wednesday, November 10th, 2004
10:25 pm - Game Ova Nova

Late yesterday evening, just as I’m bout to leave to return to work, I get a phone call.

‘Turn on your radio!’
‘I can’t man, bout to go to work.’
‘Turn on your radio man!’
‘I can’t man, I disconnected the radio’

A mate rang to tell me Nova just fucked themselves. Apparently the host during the evening segment referred to a song as being ‘woggy’ or something or rather, and waves of angry ‘wogs’ were calling in to give him a piece of their mind. To further shit in his already defecated nest, the host closed before a track by howling ‘Woggy wog wog woggy woggy wog’.


I got to work and promptly turned on the radio. I caught the end of some RNB track. I then heard two ad breaks. Then some random skit filler. Then another 2 ad breaks. The host then came on and started talking about an old asian bitty who lives near him that doesn’t like letting him have fun. Then another two songs. Then, wait for it. THREE AD BREAKS!

Who thought an article written by a dropkick from Melbourne would spark a flame powerful enough to stop a commercial radio station’s marketing angle in its tracks?

I’m guessing the flurry of back-to-back songs and adverts last night were the aftermath of a corporate bombshell. Shit hit the fan for the nice little DJ and to buy some time, they just brought out the bullshit for the rest of the segment. I switched to a CD after about 45 minutes. In that time I heard no more references about wogs, the incident prior to me tuning in etc. I’m also guessing that the Nova Infantry felt the token wog callers they had defending them a few weeks ago were more than enough of an indication that the ethnic demographic of radio listeners were behind them, and that I was an asshole. Arrogant fuckers. Nova’s full of shit.

I guess it’s all over now. Don’t worry gang, you can sign up for the dole at any local Centrelink centre. I even have a few temp work agency numbers you can use. Before you know it, you’ll be in a minimum wage, 7 to 4 grinder, earning enough to pay off the ’85 XF you scabbed from your uncle’s brother-in-law.

Fun Phat Fact of the Day – Nova 100 is Full of Shit

Forward this link to 30,000 people in 101.1 minutes to claim ownership of 100 Nova 100 Shares.

current mood: tired

(Anger Management)

Tuesday, November 2nd, 2004
10:44 pm - The Lightfoot Infantry of the Nova 100 Army

As we all know, my ‘Rednecks on Radio’ article has caused a bit of a surge. Thanks to the good guys at Nova, new MSN contacts have been appearing on my list at a steady, upward rate. Most of them are adding me because ‘their friends told them to’. Some are adding me to see if I am the ‘Nova Guy’ or ‘the guy with the email'.

Suddenly I’m the Posterboy for commercial radio. How fitting.

As we all know, Nova 100 listeners are the most intelligent, infallible species in the world. Hahahahahahahaha!

The gems they’ve all dropped my way have been pretty intimidating. Apparently I’m wrong. I’m an idiot. I’m stoopid. These are the more understandable comments. At first I was simply dismissing and deleting any foot soldier who added me and dropped their two cents worth, but I realised I should have been archiving these mercenaries.

We are witnessing the biggest sociological movement the modern world has ever seen. The power base is shifting. With Nova’s recent jolt in ratings, we do not know where the megalomania of the three Kings will take us. Below I have the Wild Cards, just a snippet into the kind of diabolic, power-hungry genius that is of the Nova 100 Infantry.

Michelle ‘The Gun’ Iscario
The first to attempt ‘contact’ with the mythical Nova Boy. Hitting me straight up with a no-nonsense ‘You are a fucking idiot’ attack, this genius state that by ‘sending that email’ I am the laughing stock of Melbourne, that is, according to the Nova army. Also mentioning that she is a lawyer and that I would have no grounds to sue on.

What I find funny is that several actual lawyers, FROM lawyer firms have contacted me and found grounds to sue on. Even I established a few weaker tidbits, not to mention overlooking the fact that I could probably sue because Nova gave out my email address over the air. Whoops.

Rowan ‘Big Rozz’ Ramjet
Working in the dreaded ‘Hearts’ unit, this cavalier contacted me because ‘his friend Josh said to’. I promptly blocked and deleted him, before, on request, adding a friend of mine to the convo. My exit sparked his debauchery crusade.

Within 5-10 minutes, he was convinced he was talking to a 29 year old woman who erotises on command. Here are some of the more memorable quotes from the conversation.

!!!!!!BIG~ROZZ!!!!!! I LUV U JULIA says: sweety do u masturbate?


BIG~ROZZ!!!!!! I LUV U JULIA says: yes plz describe ur sweet juicy pussy to me


!!!!!!BIG~ROZZ!!!!!! I LUV U JULIA says: my dik is hard

!!!!!!BIG~ROZZ!!!!!! I LUV U JULIA says: ill pull down my shorts

_____________ says: tell me more

!!!!!!BIG~ROZZ!!!!!! I LUV U JULIA says: ok it is now out and pointin towards my face


!!!!!BIG~ROZZ!!!!!! I LUV U JULIA says: my pubs are short coz i cut them yesterday

!!!!!BIG~ROZZ!!!!!! I LUV U JULIA says: it is 6.5" long coz i just measured then

!!!!!BIG~ROZZ!!!!!! I LUV U JULIA says: long skinnylarge nob


!!!!BIG~ROZZ!!!!!! I LUV U JULIA says: my balls r bouncing round

I’ll cut the fairytale there, but you get the idea. 14 year old ponces should know when to keep away from strangers.

L.T Clue
The last fool on the cards is an instigator from earlier today. I sign into MSN, and BLAM, another one has entered the ring.

D: Whose this?

L.T: yeah, ud like to no wudnt ya

D: u added me u idiot

L.T: u tell me y u rote that email, how old r u neway?

yeah i did.

how old r ya?

D: i have to answer to you?

L.T: well yeah ok well we can play it out like this

D: what the fuck are you babbling about man?

what are you, some 13 year old who thinks they have authority?


sorry oh lord of the email system

L.T: dude, y r u so caught up in baggin hughsey kate and dave?

yeah ud like to think that wudnt ya?

D: dude. im not caught up bagging them. i write articles 2-3 times a week. i write about whatever goes on in every day life, issues, personal experiences of the week, watever. it wasnt a one off thing. i havent made it my mission to bag them. i work, i go out. i live a normal life. you're the gimp thinking this is my quest.

L.T: so yd ya email hughsey kate and dave tellin them that u loved their sho but then u heard them "pretendin to b wogs" lyk it matters neway, man u gotta learn

D: piss off

i never emailed them saying i love their show

you idiot

L.T: no u said it at the start

D: no i didn’t

L.T: i used to lyk their sho

D: um no i didn’t

L.T: ya, sure... 8-)

D: ur an idiot

L.T: uhuh, that the bast u can cum up wit aye?

D: rofl

i need to justify myself to u

i know what i wrote

u believe Nova?

u moron

my article has been printed on more than 4 different forums,

including a mainstream national newspaper

and youre going to tell ME what i wrote?

take it home Jezza

uve just made the Goon Hall of Fame


Rumours have been circulating. I’m apparently 17, then 14. I liked Nova until they aired that skit. I am over 7 stories tall. I am a vegetarian.

Yar yar yar. Anyone who decides to take it upon themselves as their loyal duty to Lord Nova and try and contact me, will be castrated like the 3 stooges. There are more gimps in the vault, I’m just sending out a few warning shots first.

Fun Phat Fact of the Day: The Nova 100 Barracks are a breeding ground for Elite Superhumans

Forward this link to 10000 people in 100 supernova seconds to be put in the draw to win a Gold Class movie voucher*

(popcorn, drinks, ice-cream, lollies, toilet privileges, transport to and from cinema are not included. Screening of choice not guaranteed)

current mood: hungry

(3 angry motherfuckers | Anger Management)

Thursday, October 28th, 2004
10:11 pm - Ignorance or Arrogance? The Nova Squad Strikes Back

Five days after my initial Nova Article and the gang have hit back. How long does it take to consult a legal team?

While at work today, I got a call at about 8:13. Nova was airing my letter. Ha Ha Ha.

I got a hold of a radio and only managed to hear about 5 initial seconds of chatter, which consisted of Kate saying ‘Wog’ over and over again. Returning to work for a bit, I managed to snag the radio again about ten minutes later, and heard the guys complaining about someone who had emailed in saying they didn’t hear the skit on Saturday, but was offended. The defence: ‘You can’t talk if you didn’t hear it’ or something to that effect.

Ok Nova, I guess we can start telling Post-Holocaust survivors/relatives to stop talking about World War II. They never witnessed the gas chambers. Their relatives may have, but they never did. We’re screaming reign and shrapnel on Arabs over in the Middle East, yet how many of us have seen a terrorist clutch an AK and hold it to your face? Hell, we’ve spent how long exactly, searching for Weapons of Mass Destruction that probably never existed to begin with. Let’s tell all these people to stop talking about their causes, simply because they never experienced it first-hand.

I email Nova on Saturday; they hold a grudge session on Thursday. Did they try contacting me? No. The defence they could hold for this is they were expecting me to call in or something. Isn’t it kind of arrogant to assume that out from the thousands of online radio stations, dozens of commercial radio stations and numerous choices in my CD collection, I’d choose Nova to listen to during my day? Or is it just stupid to think that, considering I mentioned I rarely listen to radio to begin with.

Moving along, someone told me that a ‘wog’ called in, stating she loved the skit and thought it was hilarious. GOOD FOR YOU. I thought otherwise. In fact, hundreds of people have thought otherwise. I think it’s irresponsible, no wait, down right fucken stupid for a radio station to allow jokes to be aired that may offend a rather large portion of the audience. Stations go to extraordinary lengths to censor ‘questionable’ song lyrics as not to offend anyone, yet allow and further PROMOTE offensive radio skits. I think most people would rather hear the words ‘shit’, ‘fuck’ or ‘ass’ a few times during the day, than have their ethnicity ridiculed. Hey Nova, here’s an idea. For your next skit, why don’t you guys don some Middle Eastern accents, and talk about unrolling the mats all day long for your frequent prayers to ‘Allah’? Throw in a few references to oil and tabouli. That’d be funny. Oh wait, we assume all radio callers are Anglo-Christian. That reminds me of the radio segment a few weeks ago, I don’t think it was Nova though, about what people’s church groups do to spice up attendance. How about asking for practicing Jews, Muslims or Buddhists to come forward? But that’s for another day.

Many people have asked me what my original argument was. The Euro-Australian community was stereotyped and mimicked. Badly. Never was there a direct reference to any nationality. The Nova Squad hasn’t got the balls to target a single ethnic group? Or would they rather just take a shot at the pile of them, and call it humorous observation? Whatever man.

Some food for thought had been directed towards me soon after I dropped the original email. The ‘Con the Fruiterer’ defence was brought up. As many of us know, Con the Fruiterer was a character played by Mark Mitchell on the Comedy Company. Treading a dangerous path between humour and racism, Mitchell received mixed reviews. Con was a broad, stereotype Greek green grocer, who in more ways than one, hit pretty close to home. Another character that may spring to mind might be Effie, Mary Coustas’s stereotyped ‘wog chick’ who rose to fame in Acropolis Now!

Can anyone tell me the difference between these two characters and the ‘full sick bros’ on the Nova Skit?

The two characters of old made no hesitation in pointing out their ethnicity. They were Greek. Two Greeks played to the tits, but none the less, Greeks. The Nova characters were generalised ‘ethnics’. We all look the same, sound the same. So why should they knock ourselves out trying to pick which nation to bag? Let’s clump ‘em all in the same boat. And for the record, I think Mary Coustas should have dropped the Effie Pseudo years ago. ‘Good thanksh’ just isn’t funny anymore.

Like I said, I didn’t catch the segment on the radio this morning. Apparently it went on for a bit. Looks like I gave the gang @ Nova something to talk about while they played the stock market, and screened calls from angst-ridden housewives.

I wanted an apology. I have yet to receive one. Nova, you know where I am. Maybe you can read this letter live on air in four days time.

Apparently the Nova Squad read out my email address on air, which would explain the surplus of mail. I hear they poked fun at my email address. Yes, well, it was created by a mate back when I was in the early high school years, and never felt the need to change it. Oh, I do have ‘appropriate’ email accounts for business etc. But you know, some of us never grow out of that teen-adolescence.

You know, out of all the replies and feedback about the article, 95% of it has been positive. One or two heroes have replied stating that they’re wogs and were not offended by the skit, and that I’m the Nova laughing stock. Well, you know what, I DON’T CARE. J

C’mon Gang, I’m not impressed with the recent testicles you’ve tried to launch on everyone. Let’s see you perform your skit, in front of a handful of Western Oriented ‘Gentlemen’ if it’s so damn appropriate. Reckon you’d get laughs?

FYI: A few lawyer individuals have contacted me, and have informed me that I have grounds for legal action. What a laugh.


Fun Phat Fact of the Day: Random Nova listeners feel I am wrong/an idiot. I don't care.

(1 angry motherfucker | Anger Management)

Monday, October 25th, 2004
1:18 pm - Also posted this in my journal. GAY 2004

A riddle if you will:
Question: How do you know this will be the worst election of all time?

A lot of things have pissed me off recently, but this tops them all. I think every time I see P. Diddy’s promotion to get people to vote, my blood pressure gets so high that I about collapse in on myself. Vote or die? What the fuck? Let’s look at the ignorance and stupidity of this promotion shall we?

Puffy as a spokesperson
First of all, didn’t this guy pull a gun on someone in a club? Wouldn’t that make him a felon? That would ultimately exclude him from voting for anything. Has he even looked into this? I want answers.

Vote or Die
Very creative. Rip off the title of an old NES Skating game and you have yourself a political partisan. Why are they threatening us to vote with violence? Does anyone else find this strange? “Vote for a president that is suppose to eradicate violence in this country by threatening to kill them.” Hmmm. Since Puffy is on the downward spiral in his career and has proven to be lethal with a weapon, I actually wouldn’t hold it to this washed-up rapper to go door to door shooting people.

The cool image it represents
Choose or Lose. Vote or Die. I know these are suppose to get the message across that if they don’t get up off their ass and vote, that their life will be a living hell for the next four years, but couldn’t they thought of something better? I mean honestly, I hate all of these ads saying that you should vote just because you should. That’s not right. Would you rather have a president chosen by intelligent voters, or by uninformed dumbasses that do it just because dancing videogame icons on MTV tell them its cool to. Well, then again, Bush is president.

I believe I have a fairly good understanding with the kids in my generation. Here are a few ideas they could’ve used instead to make it sound cooler.

I think the last one may need a little explanation for you non-gamers out there. San Andreas is the new Grand Theft Auto game coming out Tuesday, and since you can do anything in this game, I’m sure you can pretend voting for a simulated election. It would be more fun anyway. Then shoot some hookers afterwards, because that’s the true American dream…

Aren’t I a genius? That’s why all of these companies should hire me and pay me in nothing but gold. My point is on all of this; if you aren’t informed, don’t vote. There I said it. Go out and read some material first, then vote. Don’t vote just because your favorite hip-hop star claims idle threats of murder if you don’t. If you don’t know who/what you’re voting for, just don’t fucking do it.

(2 angry motherfuckers | Anger Management)

5:28 am - McDonalds......fuck

I posted this on my personal journal but hey, give it a whirl and tell me what you think.

So for lunch today i went to Mcdonalds for the first time in about two years..... Not impressed. I'm not a big fan of fast food anyway but I get a discount there because i work at intel so i figured id see if they have anything good. THEY DON'T, if you were curious. Im going to call it McSucks now. There menu has about 7 things on it (compared to Jack in the Box with 23,000 options). Unless you go to McSucks to get a shitty, brown lettuce, soggy, half-ass salad then you get 3 more options. But who the fuck goes for a McSucks salad anyhow, they were packaged at 4am and sit under a heat lamp for 7 days then they put it in a fridge and call the shit fresh. Not for me.
So you got other options that the pimple faced kid with Down's syndrome behind the counter tells you is all really good. Please dont get me wrong there is nothing wrong with people with a "congenital disorder, caused by the presence of an extra 21st chromosome, in which the affected person has mild to moderate mental retardation, short stature, and a flattened facial profile"(websters definition) i just don't think customer service is the right career move to go for......I'm on a tangent, ANYHOW, options, i got the 2 cheeseburger meal. I think i remember when i was 8 years old i got the same thing and i remember the burgers being a decent size not the 3 inch diameter piece of shit that came in the bag with a shit load of greasy-ass, salty, burnt fries that i couldn't even choke down. There was NOTHING on my burger but a dry ass patty and a half-melted piece of cheese....since when is that a cheeseburger. At least the 17 gallon bucket of coke they couldn't fuck up too bad. It's now 5 am and im still drinking it. So i ate as much as i could before the vomit could get to me and went back to work. I don't know if its a normal McDonalds thing, but i ran into what im sure was a prostitute outside the door soliciting her body for left over shit fries. I think she was actually on the menu as McSlutty....that im not postive though. Then again i do work in Hillsboro now so maybe that explains the hooker, but in any case, My advice after all my heavily exaggerated rant is if you are hungry and want a snack don't even think "Im lovin it" unless you are belemic and you dont want to stick your finger down your throat.

(1 angry motherfucker | Anger Management)

Saturday, October 23rd, 2004
4:00 pm - Rednecks on Radio

As most know, the commercial radio waves have taken a huge turn for the worst in the last decade. Recycled pop music, cheese marketing strategies and ‘nu-age’ radio announcers have helped shift the target demographic towards the metrosexual individual.I try to limit my 'radio time' to occasions when I have no alternative choices, for example, work situations and so on.

This morning, on Nova 100, as always, I caught the slapstick session held by Hughesy, Kate and Dave. Riddled with lame jokes, cheap humour and the current musical filler, it saps at your strength and morale. After an hour of the shit in my ears, I became overwhelmed and started hallucinating. Then something came on that snapped me back into reality.

A ridiculously unfunny shtick skit, where Hughesy and Dave played two 'full sick bros', doing the Saturday night cruise down Chapel St, hollering at pedestrians, pumping the token techno, aiming to get to KFC by the end of the night. At the end of the skit, the 'full sick bros' find themselves close to death, 5 hours deep into the night, until the traffic begins to clear and they draw close to KFC. That is, until their car runs out of petrol.

I was speechless.

We all know who they were referring to, but they never said it. Dancing around it like a postman with a Doberman, yet falling just short of dropping it. The whole skit was poking fun at the stereotyped, Neanderthal-like European-Australians who frequent the busy Chapel St strip on the weekend. They were making fun of wogs.

It was all there. The 'doof-doof, the broken slang. Yet not once did the Nova squad drop the dreaded 'W' word. You couldn’t get anymore wog than the bad impersonation/satirical bombshell our boys performed for us, but they did it all without mentioning the word. Why?

This skit falls into the category of BAD JOKES. We’ve all said them. But how many of us have gone on national radio and broadcast them? Wog jokes are funny, yes. Here in Australia we’ve never had a shortage of wog comedians who have brought acts of that nature to our televisions, stages and such. Browse over my past articles and find at least half a dozen shots at the European community. But that’s some balls the Nova Squad have on them. Maybe on Monday's show, they'll have a skit where two '2 Phat, loke'd out, soopafly g-dawgs' will 'battle it out' using references to 'the game' and 'illness', but will fall short of dropping the dreaded 'N' Bomb (in reference to African-Americans etc). Or perhaps they’ll do a short where an Asian laundry man uses broken English and talks about a selection from column a and a selection from column b. Comedians are no longer coming out with blackface and flapping dickies.

Nick Giannopoulos can make a movie about a 'wogboy' but how would we react if Rove McManus started talking about 'going to full shick drags with his wogboys'? I believe in poking fun at yourself, for the sake of humour. But there is a thin line between 'funny' and 'racist'. Nova thought they'd be smart and avoid using 'Wog'. But how smart can a man be who, earlier in the show, was screening calls from 12 year olds on how to use an iPod?

I found the minute long skit extremely offensive and completely inappropriate. I don't think the Nova Squad intended for it to come across the way it did, but I mean, you have a skit where two 'full sick bros' are cruising down Chapz, pumping teckers, yellin at chicks outside of their car for five hours? Please.

What I'm calling for is:

a) A response from the Breakfast crew at Nova 100. A public response, none of the 'we are big, bad so shut up' corporate emails forwarded by the marketing/media liaison.

b) A public apology

These are simple and fair. If I don't receive either, I will consider pressing legal action. Michael Jackson is suing Eminem for the impersonations he included in the clip for his new single 'Just Lose It'. Eminem didn’t make fun of Michael Jackson’s ethnicity, religion or sexual orientation. He re-enacted events that have occurred or have been admitted to, ie: Michael’s ongoing facial reconstruction, playing with children etc. If he has grounds to sue, then so do I and every other Australian of European descent.

Hughesy, I'd rather listen to a full sick habbib prattle on than five minutes of your prepubescent whine.

Shame on you Nova. Many will say it was a 'satire', 'a joke' and that I’m taking it too seriously. But think about this one: Would Hughesy, Kate OR Dave have the berries to perform their brilliant Wog act on Chapel St, at 8pm on a Saturday night?


current mood: restless

(9 angry motherfuckers | Anger Management)

Tuesday, October 12th, 2004
12:36 am - The Army Is Growing

There's more of them than we thought. Someone with a position of authority is breeding, training and launching them into our lives. We are no longer safe.

Thursday night, I went with a mate to the Sandy in Moorabbin. Standard shit, coffee, chat, orgy. You know, while there, why not, let's dump a few bucks into the Pokes. I pull out the good ol' churchies. Walk up to the counter, this new hag is behind the desk.

'How may I help you Sir?'
'Can I just get some dollars please?'

'I can't take that change Sir.'
'Why not?'
'It's small change Sir.'
'We can't accept small change Sir.'
'Are you serious?'
'Yes Sir.'
'Since when?'
'It's a new rule Sir.'
'I was here two days ago, I've never heard of this.'
'Well, it's a new rule Sir, we can't accept small change Sir.'
'Well, what am I supposed to do to get some dollars for this then?'
'Go to a bank Sir.'
'Where am I going to find a bank at 7pm?'
'I don't know Sir, we can't accept that much small change Sir.'
(Note: It was about 6 bucks worth of coins)
'Small change? You're whole business is based on small change.'
'No sir, we're based on coins Sir.'
'And what are these?'
'That's small change Sir.'

I slammed her face into Queen of the Nile and it paid out $70 in small change.

It seems Tattersall aren't content in taking the petty change of the poor. They're going after the big fish.

Word of the Wise: Don't bring your coins to the Pokies. 2c machines require big, fat $100 bills to be operated.

Today, vote Tha D. He'll help rid our society of fucken idiots.

Forward this link to 300 people in 2 minutes. Gamblers everywhere must be taught to bring their salaries to the Pokes.

current mood: fucking sick

(Anger Management)

12:34 am - In Today's News: The Bank Made Me a Hobo

In order to make mum's Centrelink scam work efficiently, she advised me to go the bank and get a Passbook for my account. See, here's the sitch. I get cheques from work, and let mum deposit them into her account. That way she can withdraw from her already accumulated funds and give me the cash, giving the cheque its 6 working days to clear, hence, no 'bullshit' fee. The bullshit fee being slapped on for the following action; Taking money that is yours.

ANYWAY, the tax office does a nice little snoop into your personal funds at the end of the year, and if they see heaps of deposits and transactions on my mum's rap sheet, they're going to slash away at her benefits. The nice people at the tax office work along the following belief. "If you are putting money into your account, you have money'. Ignoring the fact that the exact same amount is withdrawn within 12 hours of the deposit, but regardless, common sense and logic have no place in our tax system.

ANYWAYYY, the point was that if I got a passbook for my savings account, mum could deposit my cheques straight into MY account, thus limiting and eliminating the statz from her account, and we'd all be back on the horse, scamming our welfare offices as normal.

I went to the bank today, and pitched my enquiry to a chick behind the front Help desk. She said that if I wanted to get myself a passbook, I'd have to have $2000. I asked why? She said it was the rule. Thinking she hadn't heard me properly, I rephrased my enquiry.

"I already have an account here. I'm just after one of those little books you write the numbers in"
"You need $2,000."
"But why?"
"It's the rule."

I thought it was a joke. But no, no. I had to have $2,000 on hand, to deposit into my already existent account, in order to get a book for it (the account).
Regardless of how long the money would remain in the actual account, it would have to be deposited, in order for them to hand me a book, which would enable me to take it out.

Put Simply: For me to get a book which would help me take money out of my account, I'd have to give them $2,000 to put in first.

Fucking idiots.

I was thinking about applying for a personal loan.

"So, Mr D, what is it you're needing this loan for?'
"A passbook."

Knowing me, I'd probably fail to meet the payments which would triple due to the interest rates, and end up broke. So 15, 20 years later, your kids are walking through the city, and find me rummaging through the trash cans outside Maccas.

"Dude, it's tha D!"
"No way Dude, what happened to you?"
"I tried to get a passbook at the bank."

And they say we're progressing? Ok, here's your pictures back, and the negatives. That'll be $17 and a pint of whale sperm.

current mood: sick

(Anger Management)

Tuesday, September 28th, 2004
11:28 am - McShit Reigns

A WOMAN who allegedly bit into a contaminated McDonald's cheeseburger is suing the company for a range of damages, including a loss of sex drive.

Kelly Rae Hennessey, 25, claims the burger she bought from the drive-through at an Adelaide McDonald's in July, 2000 had a meat patty with a rock in it. She is suing McDonald's Australia and the franchise, alleging she suffered a "loss of libido", depression, nightmares, anxiety, nausea, palpitations, diarrhoea, shortness of breath and toothache.

What the fuck? I used to get diarrhoea, nausea, depression and nightmares every time I used to eat a Big Mac. That's why I haven't had Maccas in over a year. This idiot ate a burger four years ago and she's suing now, for all the same symptoms and effects we're all copping? Please.
Loss of libido? Let me tell you something sweetheart, no one wants to fuck a money-grubbing wench whose shovelling McShit into her mouth. Especially not after she's announced she's got diarrhoea. Idiots.

I wonder if she's had anymore Maccas since 2000?

current mood: exhausted

(Anger Management)

Sunday, September 5th, 2004
10:53 pm - Today in Beslan, Russia, many innocents were killed. This has never happened before.

Ok, this is probably going to be the straw that breaks the camel's back, and I'm gonna have 90 Mother Teresa's coming up to me, telling me I'm insensitive, whatever, but for fuck's sake. I sign in to MSN and you've got (f) (red rose symbols) in front of 2/3rd's of the nicks. After a quick nick alteration, half a dozen people are telling me it's in mourning yada of the 300+ victims that were killed in Beslan, Russia, all of which was spread by some anal retentive chain letter.


Out of say, 50 people, I'd say 20 have put the flower there because they figure they'll be judged by their other humanitarian buddies for not putting it there. Out of the remaining 30, I'd guess 10 put it there fearing it's one of those 'Forward in 30 seconds or cop ass gas for life' deals. Out of the remaining 20, I'd say 10 people put it there because they want to be part of the 'majority'. 5 out of the remaining 10 would probably be clueless as to what it's all about. And the last 5 would be the few sincere about any anguish or grief.

BITCH PLEASE. The Chechnya/Russia warfare has been going on for years. Of course, we shouldn't forget about the sitch in Iraq, where dozens of civilians, many of which are children, have been killed over the last years. Or how bout Sudan? Child soldiers, being forced into war at age 7? Let's take a trip to Angola, Colombia, Lebanon, Liberia, Sierra Leone, or Uganda. Sri Lanka's always nice, where dirt farmers have been rounded up and shot, for alleged 'terrorist' activities, many being women and children.

There are an estimated three hundred thousand child soldiers around the world... Many of these children have seen their families slaughtered, and then put in special camps, with promises of food and shelter. Badabing, badabap, badaboop. Hand them an AK, put a knife to their throat, and they're off to war.

I guess the thousand innocents killed and currently being killed in these oppressed nations is of a meagre junior burger stature. Hardly of any importance at all.

George Dubya is storming in the troops, fist in the air, full of shit as always bout this terrible disaster? Yeah, anything to fuel your bullshit excuse for a war against further innocents in the Middle East. No wait, they're all terrorists too. You fucking idiot. Who said the Cold War wasn't over?

The Beslan Situation is indeed a fucked up one. I would never, and will not justify the killing of innocents in political wars etc. It IS a terrible tragedy, one which could have been avoided, but you know, everyone's a magician. Deny people what they want, what is their right, and expect to pay the fucking consequences.

Sidebar, does anyone actually KNOW what the 'terrorists' were after?

'UmM, LyK WaTt CaN I dOo NeWayYzz??'

Add a flower to your nick, that'll learn them! Hippies used to throw flowers at 'war merchants' (police, military etc). They were beaten, cuffed, imprisoned, beaten and fined. Difference was these hippies used to hit the streets in mass numbers, with billboards and signs. In many ways, they created a difference. But fuck, this is Y2K. Who wants to actually do anything? Cyberage, my friend. (F) and you're morally clean! WOOT!!

Oh well, God is good, Allah Akbar. Evil will get what it deserves. Hell, 300 of them were killed! Oh wait...

Add a (b) to your MSN nick to put The -D- Train in power in October. I'll rid the world of these 'terrorists' and their breeding grounds. First stop, metrosexual fashion designers on reality TV. Cry and Die.

current mood: cold

(4 angry motherfuckers | Anger Management)

Tuesday, August 17th, 2004
9:42 am - An Afternoon at the Olympics


I need to make a Save The Humans community.

(2 angry motherfuckers | Anger Management)

Thursday, August 12th, 2004
12:15 pm - Save The Humans, please



(2 angry motherfuckers | Anger Management)

11:48 pm - It's a Conspiracy, I Tells Ya!

You know, all this equal-opportunity, pro-active shit is really pulling the wool over our eyes. You'd think with all the homo-erectus, pop music driven, reality based media/entertainment frenzy we've gone into as of late, every aspect of life would not be neglected. Everyone's jumping on the homo bandwagon. I don't watch TV, and I can't escape the cloud of cockle that has covered our channels. Queer Eye seemed to take the biggest chunk of the Gay TV market. Suddenly more and more salad-eating men were appearing on our reality TV shows. I'll give credit where credit is due. Crossing over themes is always a winner for extra dosh during sweeps week, and TV execs probably landed a mini-goldmine when they started pumping out gay-themed reality shows, where the money hungry slut has to use her 'gaydar' to detect which 5 of the 10 men she's seducing are gay etc. We've got TV shows which stop short before revealing what celebrities turds look like once they take a shit, Joe Shlub's back hair floating on his Beverly Hills fiancee's hot tub water on action cam and marooned 'survivors' on desert/jungle resorts where conditions are controlled, food supplies are plentiful and sex is random. Despite all this carefree, willy nilly bullshit, they're neglecting one thing you'd think they'd be jumping on.

Where are the Lesbians?

It's horseshit. You'd think by now, we'd have reality-shows with teen lesbians hitting shopping malls, and giving the tomboy a lesson in lingerie. Or even sitcoms with chicks talking about chicks. WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO SEE THAT? You call this equal-opportunity, unbiased programming? I wouldn't know if there are in fact lezos currently burning up our reality shows, but I haven't heard jack about it. If the Queer Guys can frolic care free like they're not menstruating on Prime Time, then where the FUCK are the LESBIANS? We need them on TV, not because I want them there, but because it would all appropriate, according to our modern day ethics, in line and in time with our fair, just and equal period of opportunity. Promoting homosexuality is all fine and dandy, but what kind of shit is it when it's one sided?

I think we should be unleashing Mr T out on some of the queer-orientated shit. All man, rakish charm, charismatic demeanour, physically superior than anyone on Earth.
Balls need to be brought back to TV. If they don't want balls, then by fucking all means, bring out some lesbians. And I don't mean arrogant, man-hating, skank-arse dykes. Queer Eye has a range of 'eligible' 'bachelors' who spend 79% time in dress wear and powder rooms, and the rest of the time adjusting other men's pants around the crotch, so a lezo themed show should have a slew of chicks brushing each other's hair, trying on tight, vinyl clothing and having spontaneous, half-naked food fights. Someone let me know if they bring out a dyke-mama drama anytime soon.

current mood: Suspicious

(7 angry motherfuckers | Anger Management)

Wednesday, August 11th, 2004
7:54 pm - The Economics of I, Robot

Okay, so I finally saw I, Robot after reading alot of mixed reviews, including Maddox's excellent article about it, which can be located meow.This was all I got out of the flick, since it agitated me so much:

Apparently in a future where much of the labor is done by unpaid robots, a police detective makes enough money to drive an Audi, buy vintage clothing, and "antique" stereo equipment, but can’t afford a shower curtain. After scarring my already-half-blind-eyes by seeing Will Smith's bare-ass in the bathroom, I already knew I was going to have an uncomfortable experience for rest of the movie.

You know the feeling. It's equivalent to someone throwing cold water on your back, just to make their penis look bigger. Yeah, that kind of feeling. I was violated, and this was only the beginning. Due to this minor.... ah fuck it, I'm calling it a plot hole. Due to this humongous plot crater, I failed to pay attention to the rest of the film.

I know, I know, this is a scene for the ladies (and some men). When you see Smith in the shower, it's a shot that's suppose to make you think: "Wow, hot bod'!" But instead my first and only thought was: "Dude, you're gonna get water all over the floor."

(1 angry motherfucker | Anger Management)

Tuesday, August 10th, 2004
11:49 am - I hate retail

I was at work the other day (Saturday) and it's about 5:45, and my shift ends at 6. A manager comes up to Judd and I and asks us to "build this game table so we can sell it before the weekend is over."

First off, wouldn't you have wanted it to be on the floor that day? If so, wouldn't it have been more logical to have someone build it on Thursday or Friday so that it is indeed out on the floor when the weekend rolls around?

I'm not a sales manager or anything, but I know he sucks at delegating stuff. I mean, he's a nice guy and I like him for it, but he doesn't think about things. If I were in his position, I would have asked one of the stockpeople to have it built by Saturday morning so that I could put it on the floor and potentially sell it before Sunday at 6 P.M. However, no one will listen to me because I'm a lowly old stockperson and everything at that store is based on nepotism and tenure, and not merit and intelligence.

Second, it takes a good twenty minutes to build a game table, and by the time he was finished talking with us and figuring out which game table it was that he wanted constructed, it was 5:50. Building a game table in 10 minutes? No. If it had been 3:30 or something, sure, I would have gladly done that. But when a manager comes to you with 15 minutes left in your shift and asks you to do something that takes 20 minutes is just absurd.

Thirdly, we were missing the base and you can't have a true game table without the fucking base. Granted, if you were in Japan, I could see the relevance in NOT having a base, but this isn't fucking Japan and I'm not a fucking Nip, so that point is moot.

Note: I know "Nip" could be considered racist, but I don't care. It was a spur of the moment choice and I used it to make a point. But I digress...

Not having a base constitutes a means for not building the fucking table.

Stuff like that pisses me off. I could be a better manager than half the people in that goddamn store. Only thing is, I wouldn't be paid enough to do it.

(1 angry motherfucker | Anger Management)

10:40 am - First post

The Phenomenon that is Shitty Rap Music

Coming from a guy who listens to metal, this may not really seem like a shocker, but rap music isn't that hard to produce.

Here's the sequence:

Devise a shitty drum beat using a drum machine
Have someone make some lyrics about "getting ass" or "smoking weed" that aren't very profound at all
Give it to the record company
Play it on the radio
Make millions of dollars on shitty, underproduced fast talking.

Now, I know some of you ou there like the music, and I feel sorry for you. I mean, the lyrics aren't that great and neither is the music.

I also love how 20 new rap artists come out with album every week. It's just the same pre-produced shitty "music" that someone else re-did.

Some of you probably hate metal because it's merely growling. I agree with you to an extent, some of it is. Some of it you can't even understand. But other bands like Metallica, Megadeth, Iron Maiden produce great music.

Iron Maiden has three guitarists. You can't get much more melodic than that. Three guitarists allows a band to be very in-depth which each guitar part in the song. They are able to layer the solos or the rhythm parts and make it sound very smooth.

I can't say this about rap music.

Before, I mentioned about how the lyrics are horrible and not very profound. Here's an example:

C-Murder (an arbitrary choice from a lyrics site):

Song: Ghetto Boy

A million dollars don't mean shit to me
I'm from the streets with a hard hittin slang Ghetto D
Nigga and still makin moves with a sick click
Trick fuck a bitch, I gank with my dick
A young nigga from tha hood, it's all good
When I represent my city, I'm suckin on a bitch titty
And red alazay and 50 blunts rolled up
You wanna hit, then muthafucka hold up
Slow ya roll, get yo bank rolled, ain't it cold
I been slangin', since I was 10 years old
A lil' skinny muthafucka packin guns fuck a toy
Nigga, I'm just a lil' ghetto boy

Wow. Very profound lyrics there. Trick fuck a bitch, I gank with my dick. I don't even know what the word 'gank' means, let alone what this unintelligible song is supposed to represent.

Notice how this song talks about all of the illegal stuff that can be done. Smoking marijuana, shooting people for no reason other than their "bitch was acting up" or some frivolous bullshit like that.

Granted, I've seen some Tupac lyrics, and they are better than these. Those are probably the most profound rap lyrics I've ever read or seen.

However, lets take an example from Killswitch Engage

Song: Self Revolution

I can't comprehend society's movement
the regression of human existence
this is the quest of life
fulfill your destiny
slow down the fast paced world
and you will see past the illusion
breaking the foundation
collapse the control
building a revolution to heal nations
it starts within you
in this search for I & I the truth is always deep inside
(reversal of oneself finding the truth)
this is the quest of life
we must find the strength for a new movement
slow down this fast paced world and you will see the revolution
for a new movement

Now, I think this song is very profound. This song has depth and relates to what many of us feel or want to accomplish. It talks about changing yourself to change society and what's going on in it.

I understand the marketing technique of rap music. It is marketed to people my age who are around many girls. I was never around girls in high school, at least not many. I went to an all-guys high school, so that distraction wasn't there.

It's marketed to guys in their late teens-early 20s. The one's that are aiming for a little action, the ones who have high testosterone, the one's with a huge libido (no pun intended).

I don't fall into this category, however. I don't think sex is that important to who I am as a person. I'm more focused on society's role of my life and how I can change it.

I always find that almost EVERY guy at my school listens to this bullshit. They are all white, upper middle class guys. I was only one of two guys on my floor who listened to metal last year.

I don't understand it...

(8 angry motherfuckers | Anger Management)

Monday, August 9th, 2004
12:18 am - Hopper FINALLY IN PRISON: Who REALLY Gives a Shit?

Unless you've been living in some cave, in a sheep paddock far far away, then you've probably read or heard about Gavin Hopper, the reputable tennis coach who was sentenced to 2 and a half years prison for having a 'sexual' relationship with a then 14-year old student.
Bout 20 years ago, Hopper, then a 29 year old PE teacher at Wesley College, started slamming some chick until she graduated. Ok...

What I don't understand is, why the fuck has it been spread on every media outlet for the last week or so? You got war in Sudan, mayhem on our roads, dead prostitutes, war in Broadmeadows... No, let's focus on the guy who had sex 19 years ago.

I'm not defending the guy. Rape, sexual assault and shit are serious crimes, and he SHOULD 'pay' (and I'm sure he will) for his actions, but seriously, how much of this shit has to be publicised on big bulletin boards? The thing that baffles me is that they're screening this shit all over the joint, without really addressing the problems it may cause in our homes. How are parents gonna explain to their kids why the bad man was taken away? Shit, look at the cunt. He's scary as it is. Tell little Jimmy that the man was a sports teacher who diddled 'kids' and you wont get him changing into his PE uniform any time soon.

I dunno, what really shit me was some genius comment dropped by a victim's mother, after the sentencing.

After his conviction, the mother of another of his alleged victims blamed Hopper for ruining so many lives.

"I'm so relieved it won't be happening to any other girls, now," she said.

Was she referring to girls at Wesley College? Or girls in general? Was Hopper visiting Wesley every fortnight to give 'private tennis lessons?' Or has he been molesting children in every city, in every state, in every country across the world?

Yes, Hopper's off the streets so now everyone can let out their sons, daughters and dogs.

I think it's all about the sex thing. Sex SELLS. I guess people just liked seeing the words 'Sex' and '14 year old' over and over again. So who's the real criminal?
The judge described Hopper's actions as very 'serious' and 'disturbing'. Serious, yes. Disturbing, not really. He had sex with a girl who wanted to fuck. You want disturbing?
That mop-top cunt who won a million bucks on Big Brother plans on spending most of the dosh on Cocoa Pops and Lamb Chops. They're his favourite, apparently. He MAY buy a house and car. You fucking idiot.

PS: Take this any way you want it. I'm just saying what's on my mind. There haven't been any updates in a while but hey, I don't care >:D You write one up if you want.

current mood: D'afied

(4 angry motherfuckers | Anger Management)

Sunday, July 25th, 2004
10:03 am - Random Moment #4

Today, the ratio of how awful rap is compared to it's popularity has finally passed each other in the opposite direction. By the day, Rap keeps getting worse and worse but continues to get more and more popular. I'll admit that I like some rap tunes just for the beat (since I listen to techno in the first place). I can't stand the "singing" at all. But now, it's like even the beat is ruined. Why the fuck does everyone think that having a fast reggae type sound while impersonating a Jamaican accent sounds good? It's almost with every rap group/artist anymore.

I'm getting back to the basics and making my own rap CD based around what it was originated on: getting that ASS!

As you can see, most of the songs have a stupid title which usually shows the intelligence of the artist, ultimately getting them laid all the time.

In other news, I just found out that the Black Eyed Peas' song "Let's Get It Started" was originally called "Let's Get Retarded." Dead serious. I now have an all new respect for the BEP.

(13 angry motherfuckers | Anger Management)

Friday, July 16th, 2004
6:26 am

Hey, I'm new to this community. Most of my personal LJ will be pretty much like what I post here: random and pointless bitching. So let me introduce myself.

"I'll protect you my sweetheart."

Ryan Lemon: Protector for the good of gaming as we know it.
*shudders in disgust at E3's 2004 performance*

(Anger Management)

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